Have you seen the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens? No? Do it now:
Ok, so there are some good things: Millennium Falcon, fancy new X-Wings, crazy soccer droid, exactly zero lens flares – cool.
But then, there’s this:
Regular readers will remember my post about lightsabers from the earlier version of PopCultureBeast.com (which didn’t make it in the revamp, I will eventually repost it). In that post, I muse about how impractical and stupid it would be to own an actual light saber if you weren’t a Jedi.
Here, though, I will make some inferences about this new style of saber.
First, the most obvious practical issue: don’t hold this one down close to your head, as many Jedi often do:
Ditto for running with it, one presumes.
Of course, there are good reasons for those hilts, like maybe if they were hidden and you turned them on for a face stab. Here’s the thing, though: hilts with cross guards have them there for a reason – to prevent a blade from reaching the wielder’s hand. Which is great. Except that these blades wouldn’t do that. Because where the main blade meets the hilt, there is sword handle.
Now, I’ve thought way too much about this, but it seems to me that the most vulnerable part of a lightsaber is the emitter/handle assembly. Certainly it’s made of stern stuff, but as we’ve seen, it can be cut by another lightsaber. Which means either 1) this saber isn’t going to last long if someone nears that cross member or 2) this hilt is made of material strong enough to stop a lightsaber blade.
I guess I should be optimistic and think “Hey, here’s a powerful Sith who finally worked out how to make a lightsaber that can’t be cut by other lightsabers.” Instead, I think “Why weren’t all lightsabers made out of this stuff?”
In any case, the next logical thing to wonder is whether or not you can make a vest out of the same material this lightsaber is made from.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving, see you December 2015 for the answers to these questions. Or, you know, probably not.
Eliot has been orbiting show business for over 20 years as an improv comedian, video director, and general guy you might barely recognize. Currently best known for his work on the comedy podcast Never Not Funny: The Jimmy Pardo Podcast. He wrote previously for MacEdition.com, and is working on a collection of short sci-fi and weird tales that will probably be published someday. He is also one of three principals in Modest Games.