Hear ye, hear ye! Kate Middleton, the Smucheon of Dorkshire, has borne a baby girl! Congratulations, Kate Middleton!
But come ON, Kate Middleton. You just gave birth. This is an activity commonly known to provoke sweaty hair and tomato-face. And then after the birth, you want to hang out for a little while, take a breather, smell your baby’s head and all that. Yet a mere ten hours later, you arrive on the doorstop of international attention looking like this:
Fellow commoners, do you see what I am saying? The Duchess is perfectly made-up, her hair coiffed with extraordinary attention to youthful volume. This is not what new mothers look like 10 hours after giving birth. This look means that, just hours after releasing another human being into the world, she went through wardrobe. She sat in makeup. Her hair was styled and poofed.
That is some Kim Kardashian-level ish right there.
If she had been a new mother in 2015, Princess Diana, a progressive humanitarian, likely never would have sat through hair and makeup so as to ensure a proper debut. She would have realized the opportunity here: to represent new motherhood as it actually appears. To show the sweat and the grit that experience takes. To be a woman. To be real.
Instead, in 2015, the Brichess of Cougartown chose to favor the superficial spotlight and to give good face.
Kate Middleton has been an enigma. She doesn’t project a personality. That’s probably by palace design, but entirely with her consent as an adult. But today, she provided plenty of information: She just showed us she’ll take time in the hair and makeup chair over showing us the unedited look of hours-fresh motherhood. To look good, rather than to be honest. To passively fulfill superficial expectations. That’s a pretty disappointing use of an international platform.
Congratulations on the baby girl, Kate Middleton. I hope she won’t feel so pressured to present perfectly, like you.
Kari Tervo enjoys pop culture as a universal language. Sorry, Esperanto and the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department: Bieber wins. She’s not sure if she’s supposed to be writing about herself in the first or third person right now, so she’s going to act like someone does this kind of work for her. Why ruin the mystique?
Kari reviews zines for Pop Culture Beast in her regular column, Blog Zine. She also provides pop culture opinion and analysis about whatever she gets the urge to write about.