Somehow, this show has not been cancelled yet, and the only silver lining is that I can see the Firefly fans getting mad already. Each week I think “Nah, I won’t do these reviews anymore” and then Gotham is terrible and I have to vent in an online forum (Click to read episode 1 & episode 2). So, without further ado allow me to save you the trouble of watching Gotham episode 3: “The Balloonman.”
You know the famous Batman villain The Balloonman, right? C’mon guys! Actually, Balloon Man is a villain from The Metal Men, but he was some sort of robot that could change size and dispense various gasses .
Oh, maybe Gotham’s Balloonman will poison people with gas? No? Will he be like IT? Nope (although Gordon does go into the sewer this week). He’s just a guy that stole four weather balloons, targets corrupt people we’ve never met, handcuffs them to the balloon, and sends them floating into the atmosphere. Um… what? Go ahead, read that statement again, now shake your head, sigh, and lose your last shread of faith in humanity.
I can’t even begin to describe how ridiculous it looks when a man is handcuffed to a weather balloon, floating high into the atmosphere screaming. It’s so absurd that it makes Kite-Man look plausible.
The most detective work done on the show is me trying to figure out the logic the writers used to come up with explanations for the crimes. Gordon just has a hunch and it pans out. When they drive to the abandoned building, there’s just a balloon hanging out in the middle of everything for anyone to see. The Balloonman turns out to be a guy you see briefly (more specifically the dentist from This Is 40), who is trying to be a vigilante. Does Bruce see this guy on TV and say that what he was doing was good, but killing people is wrong? You bet your Bat-ass he does!
Other things that happened this week:
-Selina Kyle takes Gordon to the sewer where she threw the Wayne mugger’s wallet that she stole
-Bruce and Alfred swordfight with canes (Practicing for their Dumb and Dumber Halloween costumes no doubt)
-Gordon’s fiancee smokes pot and used to be in a relationship with Montoya (…yawn)
-The Penguin comes back to Gotham and is instantly recognized, gets a job at a restaurant, and meets Sal Maroni all within an hour
Every line in the show is generic throwaway dialogue delivered like it’s the first day of high school play rehearsals. Ben McKenzie brings that terrific acting straight from The OC and Donal Logue’s over the top, inconsistent performance makes me wish he was Grounded for Life.
Next week’s most likely abysmal endeavor is titled “Arkham.” Maybe we’ll see such Grade A villains like Polka Dot, Condiment King, The Eraser, and Rainbow Raider. Or knock-offs thereof.
Gotham Episode 3: The Balloonman is an utterly ridiculous 3 out of 10 Weather Balloon victims.
Kyle Dodson is a writer, comedian, Rock Solid Podcast producer, Batman aficionado, facial hair connoisseur, and oxford comma supporter.