Light the fireworks as we’re LIVE in Kansas City! Tonight we start with MizTV! Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan are already in the ring with the Smackdown members of their respective teams. Various verbal volleys are launched between the groups, including another attempt to explain Shorty G. Attempt failed. This all leads to the obvious match-making result. Tonight, these men will face each other in a six-man tag team match, plus Cesaro.
New Day vs. Roode/Ziggler
The New New Day is Kofi and Big E as Xavier Woods recovers from injury, and these two teams will be part of the LARGEST TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORICAL THINGS at Crown Jewel. I have a feeling some other teams will be joining us during this match. Ziggler gets the surprise win as the B-Team watches backstage, and soon the Revival hits the ring to attack the New Day. Heavy Machinery puts down the pancake batter long enough to come out and even the odds. Lucha House Party is watching on yet another monitor.
Rey is here! Cain is here! And Dominic is here! We’ll hear from the Velasquez camp later tonight.
We get another recap of Fury/Strowman which includes footage from the Performance Center where Strowman attacked Fury and injured his ankle. I really can’t figure out who the heel is here.
Lacey Evans vs. Camron Collins
The Southern Belle gets on the mic and says she isn’t going to wrestle the Nasty in front of the claudehoppers. Such a mouth on this one. Evans feigns that she is going to leave the ring, the ref starts the 10 count, young Camron gets excited that she might win a match, and Lacey rushes in at 9 to deliver a Women’s Right for the quick victory.
This is how to do a throwaway match with some character development. There was only one move, but it all made perfect sense for the Lacey Evans character.
Nikki Cross is backstage to talk to us. She is quite excited. Cole asks her to respond to Bayley’s negative comments about the rest of the division. Cross says she will be happy to relieve Bayley of the stress of being champion, but for now she’s focused on beating up the pretty Mandy Rose to prove beauty isn’t everything.
Next, the Firefly Fun House rises from the ashes!
After a commercial, we get a recap of Seth committing arson. Corey tells us Bray has rebuilt the Fun House, but there was a casualty.
Firefly Fun House
We arrive at the Fun House to find ourselves in a funeral service for Ramblin’ Rabbit. After some brief eulogies from the other puppets, Bray informs us Rabbit wanted an open casket. He opens the box to reveal a disgusting burned relic. But after a kiss from Wyatt, Ramblin’ Rabbit comes back to life, only to be eaten by Mercy again. That didn’t really accomplish much, except to allow Cole to remind us about the Falls Count Anywhere match between Rollins and the Fiend at Crown Jewel.
Drew Gulak vs. Kalisto
In a prerecorded interview, the Lucha House Party introduces themselves. Before the match begins, Drew insists on presenting his powerpoint about Tyson Fury and Braun Strowman. He almost makes it to slide #2 but Kalisto interrupts with some quick offense. Gulak counters and it appears Kalisto is hurt, but the match continues just long enough for Braun Strowman to come out and distract Gulak. Kalisto hits the Salida Del Sol and gets the three count.
Braun delivers a couple powerslams on Gulak and tells Tyson Fury he doesn’t deserve to be in a WWE ring. Tell us something we don’t know, Braun.
After the break, Daniel Bryan will tell us if the Yes Movement is back.
Michael Cole is in the ring and brings Daniel Bryan out for an interview. Before Bryan can answer any questions, Shinsuke Nakamura and Sami Zayn interrupt to challenge Bryan to keep his word about killing the Yes Movement. Then Sami offers Daniel the chance to be part of their crew with a handshake.
Daniel Bryan hesitates…hesitates…stares at his hand…hesitates…does some calculus problems in his head…hesitates…then finally walks away. The announcers try to figure out if Bryan is considering Sami’s offer.
Team Hogan is backstage getting a pep talk from the Immortal one. And Nikki Cross is all smiles as she gets ready for her upcoming match with Mandy Rose.
Nikki Cross vs. Mandy Rose
Rose is in the ring and Sasha and Evil Bayley sit ringside on commentary. Bayley says Nikki reminds her of herself five years ago. The focus of this match is primarily to drive home Bayley’s attitude change. Meanwhile, Mandy and Nikki battle back and forth and I forgot Sonya DeVille is here. Sonya interjects herself and takes a shot at Nikki. But the wild Scot recovers and takes control of Rose, nailing Mandy with a swinging neckbreaker for the win. Bayley puts on a tough face to stare down her number one contender.
Rey Mysterio and Cain Velasquez are here to explain why Cain’s punches looked so terrible on Raw! Maybe that’s not why they’re here, but it should be.
Progressive’s commercial this week is Brock Lesnar beating up another man’s son. Take that, Geico!
We get to see the footage from Riyadh again with giant floats and fireworks. So. much. money. But there couldn’t possibly be any unsavory motives behind the scenes. How dare you suggest such a thing.
As Cain and Rey approach the ring to a comatose crowd, we get photographic proof that Velasquez actually knows how to throw a punch because he caused a cut that was nearly ONE INCH LONG on Lesnar’s face! What a killer!
Rey reminds us that Brock beat up his kid in that same ring on what he calls the worst day of his life, although that may change on October 31 if he has to stand at ringside and watch Cain’s WWE debut. Rey says Dominic is doing better and he thanks everyone for their support. Dominic is still committed to his dream of being a WWE superstar, and Cain is committed to getting revenge for what Brock did, so Rey calls out Lesnar to settle this FACE-TO-FACE!
Brock and Paul Heyman are backstage and Paul asks Rey to figure out a weird riddle that obviously leads to Dominic being beat up again at Lesnar’s feet. I really think Rey may need to reconsider his parenting ability.
After the break, Rey and Cain are distraught over Dominic’s latest mishap. But they don’t have much time to think about it because Brock reenters the scene to attack all three with a metal garbage can, which is always an important accessory in a medical room.
It’s time for our main event! Ric Flair leads out his team (and Cesaro),
Team Hogan (Reigns/Ali/Shorty G) vs. Team Flair (Nakamura/Corbin) (and Cesaro)
This Shorty G thing seems like it can’t get any worse, but I wonder if they’re shooting for the full circle effect where a gimmick gets so bad, it becomes amazing. Clearly, we’re still in the bad phase. After the introductions, we need a commercial.
Back from break and before our main event begins, Cain Velasquez has words for Brock. He’s mad. According to Cole, he’s “in a mood.” Yeah. He just saw his godchild get beat up twice. He might be…in a mood.
Anyway, the bell rings and we’re off. Reigns starts things off, taking it to Corbin and Nakamura before tagging in Shorty G. Shorty is dressed like I am when I need to go buy gas for the lawnmower. The announcers remind us that Cesaro isn’t available to be on Team Flair because he’s going to be busy getting beat by the hometown boy Mansoor. Cesaro turns the tide as we go into commercial.
The heels are still in control after the break as Ali is the face-in-peril. Corbin attacks Reigns on the outside before being tagged in, but he can’t contain Ali, who tags in Shorty G. Shorty goes on a tear against Corbin, applying the Ankle Lock before Nakamura breaks it up with a kick. Shorty fights back to the delight of the Hulkster, then tags in Reigns. Roman tries to finish Cesaro but the Swiss Superman catches Roman in a Sharpshooter. Ali breaks the hold and all heck breaks loose as the six men go at it. Cesaro gets caught with a Superman punch (I guess that’s appropriate, huh?) and Reigns tags Ali then Superman punches Corbin which Cole and the cameras capture. Meanwhile, Ali hits a 450 splash and pins Cesaro for the win.
Team Hogan celebrates to end the show. I’m really REALLY hoping we can get past Crown Jewel and actually start getting some shows that matter after October 31. But no matter what, we’ll be alright as long as we have each other.
UNTIL NEXT WEEK!